For almost a year, I’ve been dealing with chronic pain and annoying nonsense. Had surgery last week. I am still in quite a bit of pain, but should be recovered in 6 weeks.
A friend mentioned she’s proud of me that I was able to write this past year. I appreciate this. However, I feel as if I am constantly putting projects on the back burner. That I’m using this as an excuse to not work. That I’m procrastinating and I’m missing out on writing opportunities.
I feel a tug of guilt when I’m not writing or watching theatre and guilt when I miss my family by going to too many theatre events. I gave away my last couple season tickets to KC REP and the Unicorn because I just couldn’t handle it with preparing for my surgery.
I am planning on writing while I recover, hoping there is no guilt that I’m not doing enough, just happiness with the results. I also have a weird fear of success. Some of my works have gotten a good response on NPX and I think ‘that’s a fluke. I must have only one good play idea in me.’ So I’m dealing with a bit of imposter syndrome.